First Book of Honor
by samisunamoosed1
Summary: After loosing her eyesight in a fight against a demon, Grim Reaper Charlotte Barnes looses her whole perspective on life and turns to alcohol and zigarettes. That is, until she makes a new, unexpected friend in the weird guy who laughs a lot and doesn't stop coming to her office.
1. Chapter 1

"And don't forget to come by tomorrow to collect your new scythe!", the young man sitting in front of her desk immediately sprang up, obviously very glad that he could finally escape the confines of her small and cramped bureau and the uncomfortable atmosphere it held.

The desk next to a very small window that seemed like it had not seen a rag in a very long time was overflowing with paperwork, old coffee cups that had various unmentionable cultures living in them and opened and dried-out inkwells. Over the whole office hung a nasty odor consisting mainly of alcohol and smoke.

The owner of said office sighed and let her head fall onto her table with an unpleasant sounding crash that snapped one of her pencils in half, which caused her to groan and lift her head once more. Her hands felt for the damaged pencil as she rightened herself up to sit in the chair properly. She carelessly wiped the white hair away that was hanging into her face listlessly, snorting at the action. It wasn't like it was going to do anything.

"This is all stupid.", muttered the woman, pushing the paper mountain away from her and accidentally sending half of it flying over the edge of her table that seemed absolutely dwarfed under the sheer masses of the paper. They knew she couldn't read squat, why were they still giving her paperwork? Probably just to rub her own incompetence into her face.

She didn't bother lifting her head when she heard the door open. Probably just another of her superiors who decided to come by and yell at her. "Have you finished the papers yet?", she sighed when she recognized the voice and was able to identify her superior, Hudson, who was one of the few who still insisted on her doing paperwork, even though it was quite obvious that she was in no condition to do so, making her wonder what she'd ever done to the man. Maybe he still hadn't gotten over the fact that she'd gotten to do field work and he'd been pushed off into the administrative division. That misogynistic asshole, she thought darkly, he'd always belittled her work and never taken her seriously, even when she'd been one of the best reapers the field division had had to offer. Now, she only smiled at her superior sweetly, even though she wanted to jump into his face and carve into him with the little, stupid, useless scythe they'd given her when she had recovered.

"Cut that crap, Charlotte. It seems that you, again, simply wasted your time here instead of actually doing some work like all the other reapers.", said Hudson and she could nearly see how disdainful he was looking at her.

"That's Miss Barnes for you.", Charlotte retorted frostily, letting her own disdain for the male in front of her seep into her tone. "And you know very damn well that I can't do the fuckin' Paperwork, you twat.", she added snarkily, glaring into the direction she thought he was standing. "No need to start spitting insults. I'm well aware of your", Hudson paused thoughtfully, making her even more pissed, "disadvantage. However, you should still be able to hand out new scythes and handle the correlating paperwork, no?", now he was straight-out mocking her. She snarled at him and attempted to lunge at the irritating man but only managed to slip on one of the papers that had fallen to the floor sometime before, and slammed onto her table, her face landing in some unidentifiable slimy liquid she really hoped wasn't ink. She let out an decidedly undignified groan and gritted her teeth when she heard Hudson chuckle quietly above her. "I would really clean that up if I were you- the next client is coming in here in ten minutes." Charlotte didn't move until he was out of the door, no doubt telling the whole office floor about how she was becoming an addicted lunatic once more because he certainly hadn't yet told absolutely everyone. She contemplated if it would be comfortable to just fall asleep, and after a few conflicted debates, she decided to sit up again and at least actually attempt to clean some of this mess.

When the young woman left with a slip of paper that she'd had to write herself with Charlotte telling her what exact words should be on it through gritted teeth, Charlotte couldn't handle the stuffiness of her office any longer. Stumbling after not moving for such a long time, she moved to leave the office, taking her coat and not bothering to close the door after her.

Thankfully, no one stopped her on her way home and she was glad that by now she was able to at least get to work and back again without having to ask for aid.

When she arrived at home, she found that she once again had forgotten to close the door to the small, unnecessary balcony everyone in her block had, and now there was an unpleasant, cold breeze flowing through her flat. When she tried to close the door however she found a small paper slip stuck between the door and the frame. As she righted herself up from her crouch she cursed darkly when her head collided with the doorframe, making it throb unpleasantly.

With the paper in hand she felt her way over to the small dining table and sat down heavily. Then Charlotte cursed again when she realized she wouldn't be able to read the stupid piece of paper and she crumpled the slip into a ball and flung it at the wall opposite of her.

She didn't bother with picking it up again.

Not for the first time the female reaper wondered what it would be like to just never wake up again. Ever since she lost her eyesight, she felt like she'd lost her purpose in life as well, or the after-life, depending on how she looked at it. She snorted. Even in her past life she had had no purpose, and now that she'd found one, it was ripped away from her brutally. When she'd still been in the Retrieval Dispatch she at least had had something to do, she thought, her sight-less eyes wandering around with no particular goal in mind. Now she just sat around in a dingy, small office all day, doing nothing and occasionally administering a new death scythe. Absentmindedly, her hand strayed to one of the countless bottles of alcohol that were scattered all through-out her flat. At least she'd always be surprised about the contents of a bottle she took, since she couldn't see the table, Charlotte thought darkly, some strands of her hair stuck to the rim of the bottle she currently clutched like a lifeline. Charlotte then launched into chucking the whole bottle down as fast as she could, eager to forget just for a few hours just how miserable her life had become. With her free hand, she lit a cigarette, and considered the consequences if she were to light the alcohol on fire.


	2. Chapter 2

Something was different than usual. Charlotte could feel it in her bones, and it made her slightly uncomfortable.

When she'd come into the office today just slightly late, Hudson had already been there and only left her a note which told her to 'just do her job properly for once'. She had needed to ask someone to read it to her-to her immense embarrassment.

Now Charlotte sat in her dingy office that seemed to get smaller with every passing day, highly tempted to just smoke here and then. God only knew how bad she needed a cigarette. Charlotte decided she didn't give a crap-she'd fucked up enough times already that she didn't care anymore- and as she took the first drag she mused if she could get fired for that kind of action.

She really hoped so.

When she was at her second one, she still had done nothing and at this point had decided that she really didn't care. If this finally got her suspended than she'd welcome it thankfully. Maybe than she'd finally get the chance-she was aprubtly interrupted in her musing when the door was opened quite forcefully. She heard hasty but light footsteps that stopped just inside of her small office and the female grim-reaper heard the door closing softly.

She raised her eyebrows when she heard two or three sets of footsteps running by her office, the men shouting frantically. When they vanished around a corner, Charlotte raised her eyebrows even higher and set her gaze-not that she could see anything, she mused sarcastically- on the person that now stood in her office.

"What're you doin' in here.", she asked flatly, taking another drag. When she got no immediate answer she sat up a little straighter and frowned.

"When you don't have any business with me, I highly suggest you leave."

When she still didn't get an answer she squinted in the direction she believed the unwanted intruder to be and glowered in her unfriendliest way.

"I know you're there. If this is supposed to be some kind of prank, it doesn't work. I may be blind, but I ain't stupid.", she sneered slightly, trying to intimidate the person on the other side of the room into submission.

Then, finally, she heard the light shuffling of feet towards her desk. She bristled when she more felt than heard the unfamiliar person pushing themselves up to sit on her desk. In the process of doing so they brushed against her propped-up feet and seemed to be happy to just settle next to them.

Put on guard by the lightness and swiftness of the steps of her counterpart Charlotte leaned back slightly. More wary than cautious, she peered up at the vague spot where she believed their face had to be.

"I have to say, I'm disappointed, Miss Barnes.", the voice crooned from above her. Charlotte stiffened slightly and glowered at the voice she'd by now successfully identified as male.

"What for?", she hissed, bothered by the still identity-less male who just barged in and sat on her desk like he owned it.

"When I heard one of the best people in the Retrieval Division had an office here, I expected a bit more than that. You are aware of the fact that your whole desk is covered in ink?", he asked, and she could nearly feel his smug grin pouring over her like something she definitely didn't want in her office.

"I am fucking well aware of that. If it bothers you, clean it up.", Charlotte snarked, still leaning away from the other grim reaper as far as she could.

She felt him shift again, now using her legs as some kind of armrest. Annoyed, she roughly shoved his arms away and finally took her feet from the desk, taking another stack of paper down with her.

"What do you want.", she asked flatly, wishing he'd just vanish back to wherever he'd come from. All she got as a response was a way too cheerful giggle.

"Look, if you just came here to annoy me, then, congrats, you succeeded. Now I would be most happy if you'd just make yourself scarce. Thanks a bunch.", Charlotte said, suppressing all the insults that she would have preferred to spit at him.

"Now, now, no need to get offended. I was merely hoping to be helpful.", the man said, and she felt strands of his hair sweeping across her face when he moved again.

"I came here because a little birdie told me you'd be here", he continued, and she felt a puff of air from where his hands fluttered right in front of her face.

"And what do you want from me?", Charlotte asked again, half of her mind already on the many different ways she could possibly make him leave. Her cigarette sizzled forgotten on the table, adding to the many burnholes already on it.

"I just wanted to see if the rumor about your prowess were actually true. But seeing you here I do think I have my answer.", without waiting for a reply he scooted from her table and by the sound of the door clicking the female Reaper deduced that he'd left.

She finally let loose the sigh that she'd been holding in for quite some time now and let her head sink onto the table. "What a fucking joke I am.", she muttered into the wood of the table surface. Prowess, my ass, she thought angrily. all she could do these days was drinking and smoking.

Maybe fill out three applications a day.

For a second she allowed herself to dream about the field again, with her fighting demons and collecting souls like she should be. Well, she mused, not being tricked by a demon and then, consequently, not getting her eyes cut out would certainly have helped to prevent her current situation. Charlotte stared in the vague direction of the little window the office had. It had only been roughly two months but she found that she already couldn't really remember what the sky looked like. The very faint blurry shapes she could make out on a good day were in no way comparable to actually seeing the colors in all their vividness and vibrancy. Sighing again, Charlotte lit another zigarette and waited for Hudson to show

up so he could taunt her again, her only recurring event these days. She oddly looked forward to it.

The mysterious man returned the next day. And the day after. Everytime he turned up he just sat on her desk for a few minutes, making conversation, and then just vanished again. This repeated itself for over two weeks and Charlotte found that she was starting to look forward to their daily interactions. They had fallen in a routine where the male taunted her for her inability to do anything, and her shooting back some kind of insult before they'd fall into an almost comfortable silence until the male reaper left again.

Then he suddenly stopped coming by.

When he didn't show up three days in a row, Charlotte grew restless and decided to go looking for him.

Halfway on her way to the building of the Retrieval Division, it occured to her that she didn't even know the male grim reapers name. She'd figure it out somehow, she decided, and made her way over to the small reception every building had.

"I'm looking for a tall Reaper with very long hair", she told the woman sitting at the reception and immediately felt foolish for even considering this to be a good idea. Her mouth already half open to apologize and just go back to her office, the other woman beat her to it. "You're Miss Barnes, right? I'm very sorry for what happened to you, everyone heard, it was quite tragic after all.", without giving Charlotte the time to even think of a biting reply, she carried on. "This is a very vague description, but I'll try my best to help you. We were in the same Division once, after all."

Charlotte heard the rustling of paper and then the woman talked again. "Could you maybe describe his voice for me? We don't have that many males with long hair, that might help further narrowing it down.", she said kindly. Momentarily stunned, Charlotte scrambled for an answer. "Uh…he has a deep voice, but not too deep. And he likes to laugh a lot.", she said, feeling awkward with her inability to describe him better than that. Surprisingly, it seemed to be enough, for the woman sucked in a sharp breath, and began mumbling to herself.

"Could it be? But what would he want from someone like her? She's even uglier than that stupid girl from two offices down…", the reception woman trailed off, raising her voice again, not aware that Charlotte had just heard everything.

"It could be that you mean the Silver Fox. He would certainly fit the description. He does like to laugh a lot.", the woman's voice turned a little dreamy, and Charlotte decided to intervene.

"Could it be possible for you to tell me where he is right now?", she asked through gritted teeth, trying to sound as polite as possible.

"Of course, he should be in his office right now, it's the fifth door on the right side if you take the left wing from here.", the receptionist replied, and then, sounding hesitant, asked:"Do you need help getting there? I can guide you if you want.", she said, and it took all of Charlottes will power not to slap her in her anger.

"No thank you. I'm very much capable of walking on my own, thanks.", she returned, trying to smile but grimacing more than anything else, and took to the left.

When she deemed she was at the right office, her nervousness suddenly spiked up again. What if he just laughed at her? Maybe he'd at last grown tired of her and wasn't showing up anymore because he found her annoying? In a short bout of bravery Charlotte decided to screw everything and ripped the door open with much more force than necessary.

For a moment, she just stood in the door, squinting and trying to determine if he actually was in the room. Seeing a fuzzy shape that resembled a human being, Charlotte came to the conclusion that he indeed was here.

After a short moment of awkward silence on her side, she settled for: "You didn't visit me since three days ago. I thought I'd check if you were still alive."

Now, she'd expected everything but the sudden exuberant hug she got. Suddenly he was right before her, invading her personal space and throwing his lanky arms around her with a loud cry of joy.

"You missed me?", he exclaimed while letting her go just as abruptly as he'd taken hold of her. Then he took her hand, dragged her over and sat her down on the chair he'd sat on before.

"Don't you worry, I just was on a mission that took slightly longer than I expected.", the other explained, joy still resonating through his words.

Charlotte found herself to be oddly relieved.

But also completely overwhelmed with his sudden proximity.

"Right. I just wanted to check, good to see that you're still alive and kicking.", she said awkwardly, already trying to find a way to escape this situation.

"It's nice that you care.", the male answered in a soft tone that had her perking up a little. She filed that information away for later, now, she had a much more urgent question. "You know, you never told me your name.", Charlotte said, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible.

"Oh? Right. That's true." The other grim reaper giggled.

"But didn't anyone ever tell you that names are power?", he asked, suddenly much closer to her face than before.

Charlotte could practically feel his breath on her nose. As subtly as she could, she scooted back a little.

"Well, you do know my name.", she retorted and he nodded, his hair swishing into her face.

"That is true, so I assume it would only be fair to tell you my name as well." He moved away from her face a little, only to just come even nearer than before.

"But you must promise me to only call me by my name when we're alone.", he said, suddenly sounding vaguely threatening. Charlotte could only nod, stupefied.

"Everyone calls me Silver Fox around here, so that's what you shall be calling me in public. However, my real name is…", he paused in his dramatic speech for a second, swishing more hair into her face and making weird sounds that faintly resembled wind blowing. "Adrian Crevan."

Charlotte just stared at him. "What? Are you expecting me to clap, or what?", she asked amusedly when he didn't move for a few seconds.

Her answer only caused him to fall down dramatically, while whining:"Come on, I just bared one of my secrets to you! Be a bit more considerate, please!" As she gave him one very sarcastic clap that had him exclaiming his disappointment once more, she finally couldn't hold in her laughter anymore, and began giggling.

And she found that for the first time since a long while ago, things were fine.


	3. Chapter 3

Without actually noticing it, Crevan became a recurring person in Charlotte's office, always managing to entertain her in the massive boredom she experienced daily. He'd made it his goal to make her laugh at least once a day, and he was starting to succeed more often than not. And while she didn't really encourage it, she didn't fend him off either. She actually had to admit that she kind of liked this new attention. Though she was still very unused to it. She often clammed up and got snappish when he came too close, not because she necessarily wanted to but because she was still not very accustomed to his blatant disrespect for personal space.  
She also found that she was starting to like coming to work more, not because she was actually doing something, but simply at the prospect of seeing the jolly grim reaper. Another benefit of her association with the famed Silver Fox was that Hudson left her alone for the most part, only interacting with her when absolutely necessary.  
"What are you thinking about?"  
Crevan was sitting on her desk as usual, munching on a piece of bread, his legs propped up against the chair she was sitting in. Slightly annoyed, she batted his feet away, not exactly that comfortable with his pointy shoes five inches away from her face.  
"Nothing in particular.", Charlotte answered. "Just that Hudson didn't show up today."  
Crevan nudged her with one of his boots. "I talked to him, you know.", he said, the grin audible in his voice. "Asked him why he continued to give you paperwork instead of...I don't know, letting you do something else."  
He shifted and she felt him get off the table. "What did he say?", she asked with barely contained curiosity.  
"Well, he began sputtering like some idiot. Didn't have a reason of course. So I told him he could shove his biasedness up his ass."  
The Silver Fox let out a guffawing laugh and sat down again. Charlotte could only stare at him quizzically. "Why would you do that?", she asked blankly, not understanding why he would go out of his way and make himself disliked by other people for her sake.  
For a short moment there was silence, then Crevan moved until he was right in front of her again.  
"Because you're my friend. And friends do that for each other.", he replied, sounding uncharacteristically serious.  
"Friends?", Charlotte muttered, trying to remember the last time she'd had someone she could call friend. "What are you talking about, Crevan.", she then settled for saying, not knowing how to deal with the situation. The male was not deterred by her cold reply, either already used to it, or too thick to notice her rejection. She wouldn't put it past him completely.  
When he didn't reply though, she instantly felt bad. "Look, I'm sorry, I just don't really... I didn't..."  
She floundered a bit, not knowing how to explain her situation.  
"I understand.", Crevan interrupted her, his voice still very mellow compared to his normal volume. "It's hard to make friends when you're somewhat of an idol to half of the dispatch.", he explained, sounding resentful all of a sudden. Charlotte let out a short, barking laugh. "Speak for yourself then.", she snorted, feeling momentarily jealous for some reason. But the male just laughed at her.  
"You are aware of the fact that many grim reapers look up to you?", he said, still laughing. For a moment the female could only stare at the man, rendered speechless.  
"What?"  
"Well, they used to anyways.", Crevan added bluntly, his voice hardening again. "Now you're not that much of a role model anymore, are you?"  
Offended, Charlotte stopped scribbling on the piece of paper before her to glare at him.  
"What's that supposed to mean?", she asked.  
She heard him sigh.  
"Just look at you. You've become a shell of your former self. You wallow in selfpity and hate, and don't even bother to care about anyone, the least of all about yourself. Remember when I told you that I'd come here to see one of the best reapers the retrieval division had to offer? That was months ago. Now everyone just either pities you or is disgusted by the mess you've become. The teachers use you as an example for how everything could go down the drain if you don't pay attention. I came here because I wanted to see if everyone was right. And they really understated things. Do you really want to be that kind of person?"  
Charlotte heard him hop down from the table and make his way over to the door. "Think about it", he said. "If you change your mind, you know where to find me." With that last remark the Silver Fox finished with his surprisingly long rant and closed the door behind him with a soft thud.  
Slack-jawed, Charlotte could only stare at the door incredulously. She didn't know if she should feel chastised or angered yet, but she knew that she certainly could do without Crevans virtuecraty ways.  
Charlotte finished her day at the office, and by then she'd worked herself into several fits, Crevan always right in the center of it. By the time she'd returned home, she had vowed to never talk to the man again.

Two days later she already regretted her stupid vow. She hadn't gone to the office since their argument, rather turning to her trusty alcohol bottles that didn't tell her off.

One week later, she still hadn't gone to the office and the number of bottles on the floor of her apartment grew consistently.  
Three weeks after she'd last talked to Crevan she considered going to his office and apologizing, but she squashed the thought immediately. If anyone should apologize, it was him.

One month later, Charlotte cut her feet open when she stepped on the shards of a bottle that she'd left lying around, and she found that she didn't care at all.  
Seven weeks later, Charlotte found herself on the small balcony every flat in this building complex had, seriously contemplating if Grim Reapers could die from jumping out of a building. She decided to try after she'd drained her last bottle she currently owned.

She found out that she indeed couldn't die. When she had woken up after jumping out of her window at three in the morning a very annoyed nurse had told her that reapers couldn't kill themselves and that she'd just caused him unnecessary work. After he gave her a few pamphlets on alcohol poisoning and addiction which she promptly threw in the trash when she came out of the hospital, he released her with the request that she was to restrict her alcohol intake, or he'd be forced to send her to a course of treatment.

When she returned home, Charlotte immediately went to open another bottle of booze, but remembered that she'd drained the last one before she'd jumped out of the window. Huffing, Charlotte slumped down on the floor and just sat there for nearly two hours, staring into nothingness.

"Fuck!", she exclaimed loudly and banged her fist on the floor, where it collided with some glass shards she'd forgotten about. Hissing in pain, Charlotte cradled her hand to her chest, and by the warm liquid she felt running over her other hand she concluded that she'd cut herself. For a few minutes the steady dripping sound of the blood slowly oozing out if the wound on her hand was the only sound, and she sighed, letting her head slowly touch the floor in fear of more glass shards. There were none.

Exhaling loudly, Charlotte thought of Crevan again. She could certainly see the truth in his statement before, but now that she was sitting on the floor of her rundown apartment, surrounded by old bottles of various kinds of alcohol and other stuff she couldn't quite discern, Charlotte could see the truth even more. "Fuck!", she screamed at the ceiling and buried her head in her hands. A dry sob escaped her before she hastily clamped her hands over her mouth. She was pathetic, but she wouldn't cry. The last time she'd cried had been when…,well. Charlotte wasn't very fond of the memory. Still, she couldn't help the next sob that escaped her, nor the one after that. She sat there on the floor and cried for what felt like an hour, but could have been a minute.

"I don't wanna be that kind of person, Crevan!", she burst out between the sobs.

"Thought so."

Charlotte was very proud of the fact that she didn't scare easily, and even though she was blind, no one had ever managed to surprise her. But she had also never screamed as loudly as she was doing now.

"Fuck, Crevan! What the fuck!", she shouted and a gleeful cackling answered.

"You should have seen your face!",the reaper pressed out between his wheezing laughs. Charlotte stood up and carefully maneuvered her way in the vague direction she'd heard his voice and then smacked the air, letting out a content huff when her hand connected with something. Crevan let out a surprised whelp and stopped laughing.

"You scared me.", she whispered, her voice giving out halfway through the sentence. Embarrassed, Charlotte cleared her throat. Crevan caught her hands from where they'd been floating somewhere above his chest and cradled them between his larger ones.

"You scared me!", he whisper – shouted and now that they were so close, Charlotte felt his hands trembling.

"When I told you that you should reconsider your more recent life choices, I didn't expect you to try to kill yourself! I didn't come to visit you for the next week because I thought you needed space, but then when I came to your office, but Hudson told me you hadn't been there since our...argument, and then I wanted to visit you but I didn't know where you lived, and -"

"Hey, hey, hey, Crevan. Calm down, Jesus." Charlotte squeezed in between the other reapers rambling and tried to grab Crevan's shoulders but just managed to awkwardly slide over his upper arms. For the first time she realized how much taller he was than her. Crevan had continued rambling but now had dissolved into quiet mumbling that she couldn't make out anymore.

"What are you doing here, anyways?", she asked, turning away to sit down at the table.

"The nurse whose care you were placed in told me where you live."

"Ah."

"You know, I don't think Hudson missed you. Technically, I don't think you have to work anymore."

"What an eloquent change of conversation topics."

Crevan huffed and stood up to do...something.

"Where are you going?"

"Checking if there's anything edible in your kitchen.", came his voice from somewhere to her left.

"Edible? You are aware of the fact that we don't necessarily have to eat?"

"Yes of course, but food is delicious. Have you ever tried ravioli?"

"No."

"What? You're missing out on something! Any kind of pasta is the absolute best."

"If you think so."


	4. Chapter 4

„Is there anything I own you haven't touched yet? I'm not sure," comes Adrian's voice from somewhere behind her, making Charlotte bristle slightly.

"Well excuse me, I'm just trying to know where I can and where I can't walk. I'm fucking blind, you know?"

She hears his footsteps shuffle nearer, and then one of his large hands grabs her smaller ones.

"Have you ever tried to rely on your other senses rather than touching everything?", he asks, and Charlotte snorts. What an utterly ridiculous idea.

"Yeah right, and what am I supposed to do? Smell my way to your living room?", she retorts and demonstratively inhales extra loudly. The only thing she smells is the slightly sweet, musky scent that all grim reapers share, and the underlying scent of something wooden that's just Adrian.

But the Silver Fox just laughs and finally lets go of her hands, only to lightly tap the scar that crosses both her eyelids.

"Why not? Learn to smell and hear more accurately. We Grim Reapers already have enhanced senses, you should make use of that."

For a second, Charlotte just stares at Adrian, completely dumbfounded. Adrian is uncharacteristically quiet, letting her work through that idea.

"Why ever the fuck not," she says slowly, absentmindedly fishing out a cigarette and, after remembering that she's inside, trying to feel her way to Adrian's balcony. He stops her after one uneasy step, taking her hands into his once again.

"Try to listen," he says, shaking her hands slightly.

"Tell me in which direction you think the balcony is. The door is open."

Charlotte sighs, but tries to do as she's told. If she strains really hard, she can hear Adrian's soft, even breathing directly in front of her, and slightly to her right she can hear the light steps of someone walking on the street that's next to Adrian's house. When she turns slightly to her right uncertainly, Adrian lets out an approving hum. Slightly bolder now, Charlotte takes a step forward and tries to let her hands hang loosely at her side instead of their by now usual spot in front of her stomach.

When she stumbles and nearly falls over a small step that suddenly appears before her feet, Adrian's hands immediately shoot out to steady her.

After a few more slow steps in what Charlotte thinks is the right direction, they actually step out on the small balcony.

"Now see, that wasn't too hard," gushes Adrian, sounding very much like a proud mother doting on her child. Charlotte had to suppress a snort.

Finally lighting her cigarette and inhaling a deep drag, she leans on the rails trying to ignore the way Adrian's hand instinctively curls around her waist to stop her from tipping over.

"I'm not gonna jump to my death at any given opportunity, relax," Charly griped, trying to extricate her midriff from Adrian's iron grip. His hand didn't budge.

"Well, the railings are rather lower than one might expect here," he answers evasively, even though his hand relaxes gradually until it is loosely draped across the iron bar behind her.

Charlotte takes one more drag before Adrian's hand creeps up and takes it from her, making her jump violently when his hand brushed hers by accident.

"Adrian!"

She doesn't get the cigarette back, only hearing her friend take one drag before he stubs it out with his shoe. For a moment, they stand on the balcony, both in their own world.

"You know, maybe we could train your senses until you can feel people," muses Adrian and Charlotte comes out of her thought-stream about whether she would have to procure new cigarettes soon or not, prompting her to stare in his direction searchingly.

"Adrian, let's go back inside."

Unsteadily, they make their way back inside, though they are a bit faster than on their way out. When they reach the small kitchen-area with its' table, Charlotte immediately takes a seat, silently relieved to be in somewhat familiar territory again.

For a few seconds, she just sits on the chair, listening to Adrian as he bustles around in the small kitchen area on her left.

Eventually, she turns away, angrily blinking tears out of her eyes that she doesn't even notice at first.

"Charly? Do you want your tea with milk or…" Adrian trails off uncertainly and Charlotte attempts to wipe her cheeks inconspicuously, but by Adrian's questioning silence she knows she's failing.

"What's wrong," he asks and long fingers cup her chin gently when she tries to look away from him. Not for the first time Charlotte curses Adrian's lack of personal space.

For a short moment they just stay like that, her tears continuing to fall silently, some of them landing on Adrian's hand.

"Hey," he murmurs, "everything's gonna be alright. You're gonna learn how to see again. We'll go outside for a bit later, okay? That'll cheer you up."

Charlotte lets out a heaving breath and clutches Adrian's hand between hers.

"Why are you helping me? I mean, I mean, why do you care so, so much about what happens to me," she blurts out and immediately shrinks into the chair, fearing her friends judgment. He's silent for a few seconds before gently tugging his hand out of her grasp and cupping her cheek instead. Charlotte flinches away from the touch the first time, but he's stubbornly insistent, so she lets him after his second try.

"Come on, let's go outside now. I know a place," he says calmly, and Charlotte just stares at him.

"That is your answer? A non-answer? Really?"

She wants to shout, but it comes out as a hoarse whisper instead. Charlotte wants to say more, but Adrian shushes her.

"Come on," he just says, and she lets herself be dragged to wherever he wants to go.

They walk a short way outside of the dispatch's perimeter, and Adrian leads her to what seems to be a field of some sort.

"Take a breath," he says right next to her ear, already uncomfortably close again.

"Tell me what you feel right now. What you smell and hear." Adrian steps away from her slightly and lets go of her hand, and Charlotte takes a deep breath.

"Flowers," she starts uncertainly, earning an approving hum from her friend.

"Grass whispering, I think, uh, a few birds," she adds after a few more seconds, still unsure where he's going with this.

"And what do you smell?" Adrian is nudging her elbow with his gently, his voice sounding like a calm river when compared to her own inner turmoil.

"Uh, you, I guess," Charlotte says and ignores the quiet, acknowledging noise Adrian makes.

"I suppose it rained sometime earlier, it smells rainy. Also, I don't know, maybe this sounds weird, but I also smell the air," she adds questioningly, and Adrian steps next to her again.

"And what do you feel?" He takes her hands in his larger ones again and begins rubbing a thumb over the heel of her hand.

"What kinda weird question is that?" By now, Charlotte is feeling completely ridiculous, not really understanding why they are standing in the middle of a field, surrounded by nothing.

Adrian just tightens his hands around hers, and she sighs, realizing that she must seem like a petulant child right now.

"Your hands, I guess," she says finally when she realizes that he really expects an answer from her. He lets out a sigh of his own and lets go of her hands.

"Sit down with me."

Fumbling slightly, Charlotte sits down and notices with a small bout of envy that she doesn't hear Adrian as he sits down. Must be nice to actually see where you're supposed to sit, she thinks sarcastically.

"Now listen to me. Just because you lost your eyes doesn't mean you lost your other senses as well. You can still smell. You can still hear. You can still feel. You still have your life. A life worth living."

When Charlotte lets out a quiet sound of disbelieve, Adrian pats her cheek gently.

"No. Look at me, Charlotte. That kind of thinking is something you have to get rid of. Don't you think wasting your life away with alcohol and cigarettes and not doing anything is such a shame to you and who you were before? Now, I like you and I think we could become really good friends, already are on our way there, and as your friend I really want you to become happy again. I wanna see you laugh, Charly. You know, I think that laughter is one of the forces that keeps the whole world going as it is. Without laughter, the world would be such a gray place. And I believe I could be able to help you laugh again. You'll just have to accept a bit of help. It's no shame to be helpless sometimes, you know?"

Adrian shifts next to her and Charlotte instinctively knows that he's facing her.

"Will you let me help you?" he whispers, and she's never heard him be so serious.

"...Yes." Charlotte whispers back, and for a few minutes they sit in comfortable silence.

"you know," Adrian says after a while, and she can practically hear the mirth in his voice,"a wise man once said: 'how sad it would be, should laughter disappear'"

Charlotte snorts.

"Who said that?"

"I said that."

"Oh. Wow. What a wise man you are," Charlotte retorts and elbows him, but her tone is completely serious and she means it wholeheartedly.

They sit on the field a few paces away from the dispatch for the rest of the evening, talking about everything and nothing at once.


End file.
